Happy Post-Holiday Slump, my loves! How was your Christmas? Did Santa bring you everything you’d hoped for? Are you eagerly anticipating New Year’s Eve, when you can drown your terrible relative experiences in cheap vodka and snark on Ryan Seacrest and his stupid hair for thinking they could ever take the place of Dick Clark? Me, I’m looking forward to screaming obscenities at Jenny McCarthy every time she graces the screen, since her face makes me want to punch things.
My Christmas was fab, thank you for asking. I got a lot of stuff I wanted and a few things I didn’t know I wanted until I had them, including this bit of awesomeness:
The fact that my husband saw that and knew it was perfect really highlights what a clusterfuck gift-shopping for me is. Although really, who WOULDN’T love a Sharknado shirt? If your answer is “me”, we simply cannot be friends. If you haven’t seen Sharknado, I…..I don’t even know what to do with that?
See what you’re missing? Go remedy that shit.
I don’t have a whole lot to discuss this week, really. I’m working on the chapter for Sunday and dealing with children who’ve been out of school for 7 days now and are one half-step closer to knocking me out with Mr. Potato Head pieces and using my body as a stepping stool to the cookies I’ve stored just out of their reach. Avoiding their murderous rage takes up a lot of my time. I forgot how truly terrible it is to be stuck at home with them all day long. I did this for years, you think I’d be used to it. YOU’D BE WRONG.
Before I go, let’s go back to that whole New Year’s Eve thing for just a second, ‘kay? If you’re like most people I know, you’ll be spending NYE getting your drink on, either at home or at a party or wherever. And if you’re like some people I know, you’ll underestimate how much you’ve had to drink, or you’ll assume that the tipsy person offering you a ride home has a better grasp on their own intoxication than you do, and you’ll accept their offer. DON’T DO THAT. Someone close to me was recently in an alcohol-related accident, and though I won’t go into any details in order to respect their privacy, I will say that they were seriously injured and lucky nothing more terrible happened. Do not fuck around with drinking and driving, y’all. I tried to find links to help you out if you need a ride on New Year’s Eve and find yourself too drunk to drive, but it turns out a lot of that stuff is highly area-specific. I can tell you that AAA offers safe-ride services in some areas, which you can check out here, and which you can utilize whether you’re a AAA member or not. If your area isn’t covered (and a lot aren’t, it’s by no means a nationwide program), please, PLEASE do your best to find a service that does work where you live, or make arrangements ahead of time for someone in your group to be a designated driver. You have the whole weekend to work this shit out. Do it.
Also, don’t let someone you know leave if they look drunk. Yeah, I know – they’ll be pissed if you take their keys. Better angry than dead or hurt, you guys.
I’ll climb down off my soapbox now. Stay safe, and I’ll see you Sunday.
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Well said.